I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
