He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
