So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
