Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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