I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
