So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize