oh god the rape fog is back!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
