This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
