i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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