i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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