I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
