I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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