I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
