you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
