last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
