if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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