Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
