We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
