I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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