i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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