I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize