Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
