Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is the high leading the old right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
