I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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