Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
