I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
