have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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