you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
