Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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