my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
