We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
