I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
