he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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