i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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