a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
