Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize