The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
