the condom got lost in my hair
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
