you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
