Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
