So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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