It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
