nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he fucked my hip out of place.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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