I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
