How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
