You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
