so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Less talking, more tequila
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
