thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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