where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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