bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
