alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
