Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
