i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
