Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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