We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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