Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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