yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
