The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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