When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
