the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize