kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
