Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize