Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
