omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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