just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
