I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
