she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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